Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Jerry Springer show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They're going to pave the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are waiting until the next war.

Good News: The youth in your church have come to your home to pay a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's midnight and they are armed with toilet paper & shaving cream to "decorate" your house.