Can You Provide the Answers?

1. Why is the time of day when the traffic is slowest called the 'rush hour'?

2. Why isn't 'phonetics' spelled the way it sounds?

3. Why are homes called apartments when they are all stuck together?

4. Why do we drive in parks and park in drives?

5. Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

6. If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they make it stick to the pan?

7. Why is it for each and every action, there is an equal and greater criticism?

8. If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

9. If a service station never closes, why do they still have locks on the door?

10. Do vegetarians eat animal biscuits?

11. How come an iron has a setting for 'permanent press'?

12. If Barbie (the doll of course) is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?

13. What's another word for 'Thesaurus'?

14. If you had everything in the world, where would you put it?

15. After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

16. When you see a microwave, do you wave back?

17. Why is experience something you don't get until just after you need it?

18. Why is the severity of an itch inversely proportional to your ability to reach it?

19. Why is change inevitable, except from vending machines?

20. Why do bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques?

21. Why is the 3rd hand on the watch called the second hand?

22. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

23. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

24. Why do we say something is 'out of whack'? What is a whack?

25. Why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?

26. Why does 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?

27. Why do 'tug' boats' push their charges?

28. Why do we sing, 'Take me Out To The Ballgame' when we are already there?

29. Why are they called 'stands' when they are made for sitting on?

30. Why is it called 'after dark' when it is really 'after light'?

31. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

32. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

33. Why do 'overlook and 'oversee' mean different things?

34. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

35. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

36. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

37. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know that the batteries are dead?

38. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

39. How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

40. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

41. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

42. If 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers', where did he find a pickled pepper bush?

43. How do you get off a non-stop flight?

44. How come that no-one is listening until you make a mistake?

45. Why is it that the colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it?

46. Why are credit cards always in debit?

47. Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

48. Do illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup?

49. Why when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

50. Why is anyone going slower than you an idiot, but anyone going faster than you a maniac?

51. How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

52. If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes?

53. Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?

54. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

55. Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?

56. Why is a Mom with two or more kids called a "single Mom"?

57. Why do doctors call what they do "a practice"?

58. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

59. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

60. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

61. Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?

62. Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit?

63. When an octopus puts on deodorant, how does he remember where he started?

64. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

65. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

66. Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

67. Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
(some seem to!)

68. Why is it that if someone tells you that there are billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

69. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

70. Why put off 'til tomorrow what you'll never do anyway?

71. Why is the alphabet in that order?

72. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

73. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

74. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

75. Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between laughter and slaughter.

76. Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it; but when I wind up a project, I end it?

77. Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

78. If a book on "Failure" doesn't sell, is it a success?

79. Does a bankruptcy lawyer expect to get paid?

80. Why does food with half the calories costs twice as much?

81. Why is it that the only vacant parking space is always on the other side of the street?

82. Why is it that there are always more last-minute details than there are last minutes?

83. Why are natural, unprocessed foods so much more expensive than their synthetic, over-processed counterparts?

84. Why does Hot Point make refrigerators while Frigid Air makes stoves?

85. Why is the man who invests all our money called a broker?

86. If its called chilli, why is it served hot?

87. Why is it can you "slow up," but you can't "speed down."?

88. Why do banks charge you a "insufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

89. Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

90. Why is it that the guy who comes up behind you while you're waiting for an elevator presses the already lit "up" button - as though he somehow has magical powers that you didn't when you pressed it the first time?

91. Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

92. How do you throw away a garbage can?

93. Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?

94. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

95. If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?

96. What does OK actually mean?

97. Why do we feel "blue"?

98. Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?

99. If one man says, "It was an uphill battle," and another says, "It went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

100. Why is it you walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?

101. Why is it that it's bad to be mean, but for something to have "mean"ing can be good?

102. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

103. Why is it that one person lives and many people live? Shouldn't it be one person live and many people lives?

104. If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?

105. How is it that 'back seat drivers' usually sit in the front seat? (David Tait)

106. What would chairs look like if our legs bent the other way?

107. How is it that those who hate mice can still manage to operate a computer? (David Tait)

108. Can God make a rock so big that he can't lift it?

109. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

110. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

111. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

112. Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

113. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

114. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

115. How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?

116. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

117. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

118. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

119. Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

120. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

121. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

122. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

123. If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says - "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

124. Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

125. If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

126. Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

127. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

128. Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

129. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

130. Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

131. Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

132. Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

133. If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

134. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

135. How can someone "draw a blank"?

136. Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

137. Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

138. Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

139. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

140. Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

141. Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

142. What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

143. How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

144. Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

145. Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

146. Why is it a good thing to brush your teeth, brush your hair, or brush your cat, but it is NOT a good thing to have a "brush with death"?

147. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

148. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

149. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where the train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

150. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do ... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

151. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

152. Since light travels faster than sound, why is it that people appear bright until you hear them speak?

153. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

154. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

155. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

156. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men.

158. Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

159. Why is it necessary to check into a hospital to be an out patient?

160. Why does the sun lightens our hair, but darken our skin?

161. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

162. Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

163. Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

164. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

165. Why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?

166. Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

167. Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

168. Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?

169. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

170. Why do people play at a recital and recite at a play?

171. Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

172. Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy?

173. Why do privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess?

174. Why do we call it newsprint when it contains no printing, but when we put print on it, we call it a newspaper?

175. What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?

176. Why do we name hurricanes but not tornadoes?

177. Why do we say redheaded but brown-haired? -George Carlin

178. When something is "new and improved," which is it?

179. Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?

180. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?

181. Why is it, if there is a separation of church and state (government), that it says "In God we trust" on all US money?

181. How come we say an alarm goes 'off' when it turns on?"

182. What do fish drink ?

183. Why is it that when you eat too much for lunch, you feel drowsy all afternoon, but when you eat a big meal in the evening, you stay awake all night?

184. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

185. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

186. Why is a boxing ring square?

187. Who coined the phrase "to coin a phrase"?

188. Where do they send Siberian criminals?

189. Why isn't 'brevity" a one-syllable word?

190. How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?

191. How do pain killers know where the pain is?

192. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

193. How do you cry under water?

194. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

195. Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

196. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

197. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

198. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

199. What did cured ham actually have?

200. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

201. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

202. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

203. Why are you 'in' a movie, but 'on' TV?

204. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

205. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

206. Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

207. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does they call?

208. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

209. Why do you get onto a bus and a train but get into a car?

210. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? For they're both dogs!

211. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?

212. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

213. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

214. If ATM stands for "automated teller machine," isn't the expression "ATM machine" redundant?

215. Why does the word "sanction" mean both to permit and to prohibit?

216. What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

217. How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

218. Why do feet smell and noses run, yet noses smell and feet run?

219. Why do we say redheaded but brown-haired? -George Carlin

220. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed? (Asked while 'ducking'!)

221. Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?

222. Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?

223. Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers not afraid to have a Chapter 11?

224. If procrastinators had a club, would they ever have a meeting?

225. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

226. Does killing time damage eternity?

227. Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you
hear a radio station?

228. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

229. Did you ever notice: If you put the 2 words "THE" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

230. Why do people say "close proximity"? Is there a "far proximity?"

231. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

232. Is it possible to be totally partial?

233. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

234. If people from Poland are called "Poles"'then how come people from Holland aren't called "Holes?

235. Why do women go to the bathroom in pairs?

236. If 91 is pronounced ninety-one'how come 11 isn't pronounced onety one?

237. If the buck stops here'then how come I see so few of them?

238. If #2 pencils are so good'how come they don't ever become #1?

239. If a person leaves the church'how come we don't say he is having an out-of-the-Body experience?

240. If Wal-Mart is always lowering their prices why isn't anything free yet?

241. If a book about failures sells well'how come they call it a success?

242. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to 'cure' it!

243. In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

244. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

245. Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

246. Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

247. Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch,' but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

248. How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

249. Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?

250. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

251. Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

252. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

253. What is the speed of darkness?

254. Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

255. Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

256. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

257. Where could a man buy a cap for his knee, or a key to a lock of his hair?

258. Could your eyes be called an school because there are pupils there?

259. In the crown of your head, what jewels are found?

260. And who travels the bridge of your nose?

261. Could you use the nails on the end of your toes to shingle the roof of
your mouth?

262. Could the crook of your elbow be sent to jail, just what did he do?

263. How can you sharpen your shoulder blades? I sure don't know, do you?

264. Could you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand, or beat on the drum
of your ear?

265. Can the calves on your legs eat the corn on your toes? If so, why grow
corn on the ear?

266. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

267. Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

268. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

269. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

270. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

271. If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, then WHY are WHALES fat?

272. WHY is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN ~ but nobody wants to die?

273. Shall I say that there is racial discrimination in CHESS, as the WHITE piece is moved first?

274. In our Country, we have freedom of SPEECH ~ then WHY do we have telephone bills?

275. If MONEY doesn't grow on trees, then WHY do BANKS have branches?

276. WHY does a round PIZZA come in a SQUARE box?

277. WHY doesn't GLUE stick to its bottle?

278. WHY do you still call it a BUILDING . . . when its already BUILT?

279. If it's true that WE are here to help others, then what are OTHERS here for?

280. If you aren't supposed to DRINK AND DRIVE, then WHY do BARS have parking lots?

WE are funny people living in a SERIOUSLY funny world!